I'm at a point where I don't seem happy with anything, and it's awful. College is going crappily, well to me it is. I'm just not enjoying it anymore. The stress of only having less than four months left until I finish is starting to really get to me. There are loads of things going on at the same time, and I just feel caught up in the middle of it, not moving at all.
I have no idea what I'm going to do for the summer, let alone the rest of my life, and that really scares me. I thought I had this amazing perfect plan on how my life was going to be, and now, it's all a pile of crap! Nothing I wanted to do over the last 6 months has actually happened, and now that my job is still non-existent, I don't know what to do.
I want a career, I want a good job, a nice house, the lifely perks and all that. I just don't know how it's all going to happen. I'm just at the point where I feel that I've had enough shite thrown at me over the past few years that maybe I could get a bit of slack, have something amazingly good happen to me that would benefit not just me, but a whole bunch of people; like a random film crew setting up a studio in Carlow who want to take on a heap of interns. Man, that would be perfect!
I feel bad about complaining too, because there are tons of other people out there who are entirely worse off than me.
Ugh, I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing with the rest of my life.
*Disclaimer: This post may contain a slight rant*
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Back into the Swing of Things
So, first week of college over. Timetable is the same as last semester, which means I have Mondays off! WIN! XD.
Went okily dokily. Got a few things to keep me going for the rest of the month, like Lighting Practicals, and Risk Assessment exams. Yannow, the usual boring college crap.
On Friday, however, I ditched out early and met up with some friends that I hadn't seen in FOREVER up in Dublin. We went to the Wax Museum, and acting like little kids. We're so damn awesome! Admit it, you would have gone through that tunnel too if you were there.
I should have spent the weekend working on this Documentary assignment that I have due next week, but Dave was up, so we spent it watching Love Actually (Bill "mother-frikken" Nighy!) and swimming! ^.^ I like to swim. (I like fig-rolls)I'm a bit behind on the whole college schedule, and you'd think I'd be working on something now, instead of procrastinating like I am. But, alas, no. This is far more fun than trying to write a lecture about the Rhetoric stuff the assignment is on.
I have, however, accomplished something productive! I wrote some of the script for filming tomorrow! We're doing a documentary about coffee! And I've also thought about what I'm going to pitch for my social issue, and for the Daytime TV show we have to produce for studio. It's scary to think that I only have about 4 months left of college, and then I'm finished!
I was hoping to go on and do a 4th year, but college kinda screwed us over, and there is now a MASSIVE maybe on whether there's going to be one in time for us at all. But that isn't so bad, seeing as I have said I'd help repair some roofs (rooves, plural of roof, yes that) over the summer with my Nan (yeah, we're pretty damn amazing alright) and help her clean out her house and whatnot. Should be fun, she said she'd teach me to drive in her monster of a car/van/bus/thing that she drives.
That's all for now folks, more to come when I actually have designated for it >.< S'laters!
Went okily dokily. Got a few things to keep me going for the rest of the month, like Lighting Practicals, and Risk Assessment exams. Yannow, the usual boring college crap.
On Friday, however, I ditched out early and met up with some friends that I hadn't seen in FOREVER up in Dublin. We went to the Wax Museum, and acting like little kids. We're so damn awesome! Admit it, you would have gone through that tunnel too if you were there.
I should have spent the weekend working on this Documentary assignment that I have due next week, but Dave was up, so we spent it watching Love Actually (Bill "mother-frikken" Nighy!) and swimming! ^.^ I like to swim. (I like fig-rolls)I'm a bit behind on the whole college schedule, and you'd think I'd be working on something now, instead of procrastinating like I am. But, alas, no. This is far more fun than trying to write a lecture about the Rhetoric stuff the assignment is on.
I have, however, accomplished something productive! I wrote some of the script for filming tomorrow! We're doing a documentary about coffee! And I've also thought about what I'm going to pitch for my social issue, and for the Daytime TV show we have to produce for studio. It's scary to think that I only have about 4 months left of college, and then I'm finished!
I was hoping to go on and do a 4th year, but college kinda screwed us over, and there is now a MASSIVE maybe on whether there's going to be one in time for us at all. But that isn't so bad, seeing as I have said I'd help repair some roofs (rooves, plural of roof, yes that) over the summer with my Nan (yeah, we're pretty damn amazing alright) and help her clean out her house and whatnot. Should be fun, she said she'd teach me to drive in her monster of a car/van/bus/thing that she drives.
That's all for now folks, more to come when I actually have designated for it >.< S'laters!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Just a Thought...
I have the most unusual family situation that I've come across in a while, and the reason I'm writing about this is not because I'm looking for pity, or to get people to feel sorry for me. It's because lately I've been spending time with people who have relatively normal families, and well to be honest, they don't really seem to notice how lucky they are.
My mother was a teen mom, having my older brother at 16, followed by me at 19, and then my younger brother at 21. She married while she was pregnant with me, and divorced not long after my younger brother was born. Match made in heaven, eh? My brothers and I were sent to live with my grandparents while my mom regained her life, and eventually started a new one with her new husband and three children. Things eventually got messy, and in an inadvertent way, she got us back. To be brutally honest, that was the worst decision ever made in my life. And I didn't get to make it. It was a vote, two against one, because the other two wanted a taste of how the other half lived, not knowing it would be disastrous. I still resent the decision they made, because it effected me more so than them. Five years, an extremely messy school-life, reams of arguments, a miscarriage (hers, not mine) and another baby (again hers not mine) later I got out.
I was extremely messed up, and partially still am. But that's not the point I'm trying to make here.
I now never take anything for granted. Not the roof over my head, the food on my plate, the education I'm getting, the friends and relationships that I have. And I find it hard to watch other people, who have it quite easy, complain about their lives. I'm not one to throw up the fact that my life was pretty shit into someone else's face, and I know, I'm not the only one who's had a crap upbringing. There are heaps of people who have. I just wish, that the people who have had it good, take a moment and look at their lives, and be thankful for what they have, and the effort it has take the people who love them to make their lives as good as they are now.
My mother was a teen mom, having my older brother at 16, followed by me at 19, and then my younger brother at 21. She married while she was pregnant with me, and divorced not long after my younger brother was born. Match made in heaven, eh? My brothers and I were sent to live with my grandparents while my mom regained her life, and eventually started a new one with her new husband and three children. Things eventually got messy, and in an inadvertent way, she got us back. To be brutally honest, that was the worst decision ever made in my life. And I didn't get to make it. It was a vote, two against one, because the other two wanted a taste of how the other half lived, not knowing it would be disastrous. I still resent the decision they made, because it effected me more so than them. Five years, an extremely messy school-life, reams of arguments, a miscarriage (hers, not mine) and another baby (again hers not mine) later I got out.
I was extremely messed up, and partially still am. But that's not the point I'm trying to make here.
I now never take anything for granted. Not the roof over my head, the food on my plate, the education I'm getting, the friends and relationships that I have. And I find it hard to watch other people, who have it quite easy, complain about their lives. I'm not one to throw up the fact that my life was pretty shit into someone else's face, and I know, I'm not the only one who's had a crap upbringing. There are heaps of people who have. I just wish, that the people who have had it good, take a moment and look at their lives, and be thankful for what they have, and the effort it has take the people who love them to make their lives as good as they are now.
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